Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
