There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
