PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
