So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
