**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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