i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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