So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
