i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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