I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
