But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
this beer tastes like vomit already
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
how drunk are you?
Several
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
