Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
