got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We are all done wearing pants today
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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