I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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