I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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