when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
