this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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