I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
