When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
