You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
wow bdsm is so cute
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