Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize