First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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