that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
