booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
