Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
