yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well I just put wine in my tea
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Still dying that you shit outside
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
