If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
