i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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