spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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