I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Panties = found
Randomize
