Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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