my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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