you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize