i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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