i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
