We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
