If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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