Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
