you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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