Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
