I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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