So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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