sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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