I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
