Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
