my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
