what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
