Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
