dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Mom said you looked used
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize