Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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