Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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