i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
