So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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