So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize