he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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