yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
