dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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