I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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