Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
