She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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