smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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