He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
