I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize