I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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