I'm gonna have a badass scar
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
