physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize