I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
