i need an iv and a liver transplant
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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