I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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