do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
