Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
