She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
