Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i wish my penis had a tongue
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
