Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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