he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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