Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
