You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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