New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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