No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
