I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
