Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
