You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Randomize
