i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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