New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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