Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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