Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
