what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
