how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
how does that bad decision feel?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
