I faked an abortion last night.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
