when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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