there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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