Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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