Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
