; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
