2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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