i just made my gag reflex go away.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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