I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
