I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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