Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
