i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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