last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
