just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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